Recently A lovely blogger (Honest Mum) pointed to my attention, after an angry tweet I made about ”bump” comments, a post she had written on ”Bump Feelers and Baby Holders”

Last pregnancy I was posting every little detail on my Facebook page, from 14 weeks, after our first scan it was ”baby baby baby” this time I can’t help but feel overly protective over my little unborn bubs, probably to the benefit of many of my Facebook followers, they already have to hear every little thing i get excited about concerning my 14 month old. Im probably unfollowed on the news feed by all without children for posting such mundane comments about how well my little man has eaten, or slept or behaved. Poor friends. I would apologise but its doubtful if in the same situation they’d present themselves any differently- overly excited about their kids. 

I have posted bump pics on my instagram and twitter, where i feel is a less invasive crowd. 

But less about what I have posted/not posted/kept secret. eg. no scan pictures have been shared.  And more about what people expect you to share?

When did pregnancy become such an open forum for people to air their views, demand to know details and touch you whenever they feel it’s appropriate. (THE ANSWER IS IT NEVER IS. GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF).

There’s no need for me to be polite about it, I don’t want touched, pregnancy doesn’t make me glow, or beam or be joyous 24/7 it just makes me even more crazy than I already am with  a regular dose of female hormones. 

Now there’s a need to know when your scans are, when you’ll be sharing pictures of it, when you’ll be telling people the sex, what names you want to call him/her, what you’re doing about feeding, what you’re doing about birthing and pain relief—–> (for me the answer is always going to be a c-section and I don’t care if you think its wrong, i’m not at liberty to cause myself unnecessary pain when I have a choice not to push something (————————) that big out of something (-) natural or wonderful as it may be. Not for me) 

Anyway, a friend of mine has found herself in a position where her mother in law, whom she doesn’t particularly LOVE, or relate to, or do anything other than what she has to with, wants to be in the delivery room, she wants to watch the birth, and give the baby its first bath. Your own mother you can say look f**k off and leave me be, it’s my baby, but someone else’s mother firstly you don’t want to look at your innermost private parts, nor do you want them to see you in such a compromised position, nor do you want to be invaded and have such a wonderful time imposed upon by relatives who deem themselves essential in the birth. Well here is the truth, you are not an essential part, its mum, dad and baby who are important, you are an afterthought, suck it up. If you are lucky enough to be such an integral part of the family as a grandparent then you are blessed to witness such a thing, but you certainly can’t invite yourself. And you certainly can’t upset a pregnant lady ever, its a law. an unbreakable one. 

For me, i’m preferring people to get off my bump, in fact there’s not even any need to comment on its size. I won’t be happy when you tell me how big I am, i will be picturing your head in a giant roasting oven. No body wants to hear how big they’re getting, in fact i might mention the next time you have one big mac too many see how you feel.

I am also keeping the name secret, at my own perogative, this time we want it all under wraps. I want to shelter my little bubs and not imagine it’s here yet and the names a bore by the time it comes around, no I want it all exciting and new just like the baby itself.

We have even decided that no one, not even grandparents will be aware of the delivery date. Luckily with a c-section a preplanned date and time are arranged, but this is a luxury, we’d rather not be bombarded with wonders about where the baby is and how is is, we’ll let people know when we have done enjoying those first precious few moments. The only person will be my childcare arrangements, my auntie, until the baby is here. 

And the most horrifying detail, is that I won’t be allowing a single hospital visitor except my son. I’m determined to be in one night only, (last time had two) If anyone is so impatient they can’t wait one day until we’re home then they’re being silly. 

So for all the pregnant women out there, i’m doing it, i’m taking back control and i am in charge! My way or the highway. Privacy all the way. and its about time.


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