Things no one ever told you about having babies and toddlers

I was fully prepared for my son Landon. I knew what I was getting into from experience childminding and babysitting and mounds of philanthropic work. I knew what to expect.

WELL I thought I did. Doesn’t everyone. You can’t possibly expect your children to manage to accomplish some of the amazingly impossible feats that they do. Here are some things i discovered about being a mum.

1. Boob juice can spray. In many directions.

2. The first time your child is sick, be it at 1 day old or 1 year old. You will panic. You will google. You will ask your mum a million questions. And you will use that thermometer maybe 10 times per hour. Nothing can prepare you for that first bout of illness.

3. Teeth will become the bane of your existence. Discovering when a new tooth will come in will not only be painful for your child. It will be painful for your ears.

4. You will never leave the house again on time. Unless you lie to yourself about what time you need to leave!

5. Nappies don’t always keep all of the poop in.

6. Sometimes it feels like they didn’t keep any in.

7. There is such a thing as the terrible ones. It’s just folklore that it doesn’t happen until age 2.

8. Bedtime may be your favourite time of the day. And there is zero shame in that.

9. Your children may become a handy little white lie when you need to cancel appointments. People forgive you when it’s your child’s fault.

10. You may no longer mind if you have un identified stains on absolutely everything.

11. Bribery is key.

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