There is a mom strolling down the street wearing her high heels and her expensive clothes with her expensive NON changing bag and you’ve thought, man she’s far too dolled up for motherhood, good luck with the spilling baby food and puke. There is a mom walking into a restaurant wth bedraggled hair, a bulging waistband and shabby looking clothes, she could at least make an effort with her appearance. There is a mom wearing her baby carrying a hemp sack, she should be more traditional, there’s that mom in the cafe with her breast out, she should be more reserved. There is a mom who hasn’t lost enough baby weight/has lost too much baby weight. She looks ridiculous. Is that mom not breastfeeding, is that mom breastfeeding! Has that child got designer gear on, how ridiculous. Has that child got george clothing on, how absurdly un-proud of ones appearance. Has that mom got a sports car, how impractical, has that mom got a mom van, how comically fitting for her new lack of life. HAS THAT MOM GOT A LIFE OUTSIDE OF HER CHILDREN? HOW DARE SHE.
We have all been guilty of it, we have all looked at another parents style, technique, skills, image, diet, child’s image and expressed a negative or derogatory opinion. I know I have. These women, all of us are monsters, The Momasaurus Rex. Society and image have become imprinted into our brains, it’s subconscious, I personally do not judge anyone who wants to judge my style, my parenting style or my life. I’m an open book. Feel free to judge me, is it right, NO. Have I done it myself. Yes. Do I wish to keep doing it? No.
We become pole bearers for future mothers, expectant mother, new mothers and reforming mothers. My only goal is to allow people to see the error I saw in my own ways. Whether I voiced the things that I thought or not, it was wrong of me to think them in the first place. I would like to see a community within motherhood. We are all united by a common goal. Whether we breastfeed, make our own baby food, use pre-packaged baby food. I only encourage people to become the best version of a parent they themselves can be.
I would look at people and think , I beat her baby weightloss, I breastfed longer, I do more things with my children. And thats how the marketing of baby items and mommy clubs exists. Because we’re all in a secret contest with one another. I need to be the best, better than anyone else. No. I discourage this behaviour. Simply do not put yourself in direct comparison to another woman or couple for that matter. It doesn’t bring you happiness. All those INSTA MEMES, of how happiness is self derived are true. Be the best version of yourself, be your own competition.
Whether its right or wrong what another mother is doing lets be aware of their personal choices. Lets all make a conscious effort to stop judging each other and concentrate on being the best of ourselves, for ourselves and our children and the sisterhood.
As my first post of the new year, I realise it’s long awaited, my hiatus has not been a mindless month and a half it’s been thinking about my own life and thinking what i can provide out there that is constructive to the world of moms.
When you’re tempted to question how another mother can leave their baby with a relative and go on vacation, go to a spa, go on a night out, go to the gym, take another child to an activity. Imagine yourself in their shoes, you don’t know whats going on at home. It’s a form of grown up bullying. Lets make people feel bad about themselves for their parenting choices. Lets not! Media criticises enough of our lives and choices not to mention the continual scrutiny that parents receive.
Is that photograph of peaches geldof losing her baby from the pram shocking? Yes it is, but we don’t know what the call was about? We don’t know what the circumstances were? Has no body had a crazy five minutes where something accidental has happened and you can’t go back on what you did wrong or right. Has your child fallen? or the baby fave of rolling off a raised surface? Perhaps. Or Perhaps not. But we only see maybe 1/3 of the story behind an image, or a sight on a street. How many of us have thought, I am not shouting at my child in a store it’s beyond embarrassing, until you get there right? Child number one is crying and unsettled, child number two first grabs the jello and spills it on an aisle of the supermarket, child number two then wants everything from the shelves, husband has text asking whats for dinner, you forgot you hadn’t prepared anything and must go back to the first aisle of the store, while child number two still needs a snack, and the phone is ringing because child number three is ill at school, and child number one still won’t stop crying and you have forgotten a pacifier/dummy/comforter/bottle. Yeah, you feel a little tempted to shout at someone and scold someone. It’s ok. I will give you the I have been there smile, I won’t turn to a friend and say look at her shouting at her child. I can’t judge you until i’m in your shoes at that time of the day.
I recently saw a post by a non parent on a social media sight shaming mothers who have been out socialising in the evening. I enjoy a social life outside of my children. I don’t want to sit at home 52 weekends out of the year. And you know what if my husband/best friend/mother/father/uncle/grandmother wants to stay at my home with the children while I participate in a region of adult life, I’m gonna and I don’t care what you have to say about it. YOU have no place. YOU have no right. I do enjoy myself, I regularly go out sober, maybe one every three months do i get a little inebriated, I don’t have to explain myself to you, NON MOTHER. I always come home to my children before they wake up, hell even if you stay out or leave them somewhere that’s your personal choice.Take your judgement somewhere else. It ain’t welcome. If you’re lucky enough to have the chance to not let a social life end with the birth of a baby good for you. (I’m not talking drugs and bad behaviour here, FYI i’m not condoning that kinda stuff).
The point is i’m not better than you for breastfeeding, making my own food, buying the best clothes, anymore than you are for co-sleeping, baby wearing, banning media, weaning a little early. If your choices are justified enough for you, Then they are justified enough for me.
I don’t mind if your baby crawls before mine, they are people not horses at a racing ground. Not bets on a Super Bowl game. I will be proud for you and your child and know they all develop at different times.
If you have felt a little guilty maybe over a thought you have had, it’s not our fault, it’s society and the media and today’s culture. I invite you to stop thinking in statistics, what is drummed into us and what society perceives and open yourselves to the notions and ideas of other parents and mothers. Give advice that is constructive not demanding, give guidance, not shaming. And be loving and warm.
xoxo. Thank you for having me back! Glad to be back in business
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